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Ordinary Days
These are the “ordinary times” of marriage. No infidelity, no major illness or deaths in the family, no major crisis at
work places, just routine days. Get up, get dressed and help the children do the same. “Don’t forget to brush your teeth,”
I shout up the stairs while I turn to the kitchen where I’ll prepare lunch boxes. Breakfast standing up, while I pour the
kid’s milk on Cheerios. The dog needs a walk and then we are off to our various school and work activities….
Whoops, did I even see Chuck? Did I even say “Good morning?” Somehow we seem to miss each other in the hustle-bustle of
the morning. I dash out the door to walk the dog, while he loads the kids for their ride to school. “Have a good day,” I
yell in the driveway. Then we’re off, each going our own way, to face the day ahead.
3:15 carpool. Together again, with the kids at least. Hot and tired, hungry and complaining about homework. Everyone needs
a lift. So home we go, for a brief snack before launching into the afternoon’s schedule: guitar lesson for my son, or
flute lesson for my daughter, or music practice and homework to be tackled before the sun sets. Walk the dog, hit the
grocery store and begin preparations for supper.
The “mothering” job takes more energy than my paid employment. By suppertime, when Chuck gets home, I am ready for some
downtime on my own. The kids are charged to see Dad and the stories of the day fill the kitchen. Using the microwave, I
miss the “smell of homecooking” we had growing up. But efficiency is the key. The kids are used to the response time of
the “enter” key, so cooking like the old days is a special treat, usually saved for weekends. Important family time is
shared around the table, as we re-connect with each other. But the children do most of the talking, actually Olivia that
is….our extraverted, vivacious 10 year old.
7:30 PM Table cleared and kids to their baths. Chuck works on laundry and goes through the mail, while I move the children
through their evening routines. Last minute signatures on homework, “do I have to wash my hair, mom?” and then finally,
time for stories. All too often, I am just so weary that I am ready to crawl into bed with them, especially if we do those
stories lying down. Chuck gets his “quiet time” and I get some rest.
Just until the next morning, when we wake up and do it all again…..for “ordinary times.”
On the other hand, we also have our extraordinary times. These come when we create the space to nurture our own
relationship, to focus on our marriage and our connection to each other! That is what ACME has taught us! Marriage
enrichment is part of the fabric of our marriage. We know that our relationship can only be at its best when we invest
the time to work together on its quality. And these days – with family and work commitments – we have to put it on the
schedule, we have to make a special date, to make sure it happens. Some weeks, we have our Marriage Enrichment Group
(MEG); other weeks we may hire a babysitter and go out for a dinner date. When we are really devoted, we practice our
Daily Sharing Time….when we put the kids “on hold” and actually share a cup of tea to check in with each other. These
are the moments that make the “ordinary days” more extraordinary. When we feel connected to each other and in sync in
our relationship, all the other things are just easier to manage and we seem to have more fun. Our renewed commitment
to ongoing care of our marriage, amidst a community of like-minded folk – that’s what ACME does for us!
Return to Chuck's Corner and Reneé's Reflections
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